The Surge

Heads shaking side to side
Hands together, lips shut.
They declined a life saving vaccine
My head hung low in defeat

Release that Dam

_{Photo by Artur Roman on Pexels.com}

Whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh

Hearing the baby’s heartbeat from outside the door, I stepped into the exam room to check the patient on the monitor.

“Hola, soy Soapie, una enfermera (Hello I’m Soapie, a nurse),” I introduced myself, while looking at the curvy lines on the gridded paper.

“AHH!!!!! Soy yo! (It’s me!)” she exclaimed. Her eyes widened above her mask and grinned in the corners.

Unraveling

She frowned and kicked her feet in frustration.

“We have to be apart right now.”

“But I miss Baba!!!” she wailed.

A few months ago, my husband decided to quarantine in a separate room, just in case. He had some symptoms, and we didn’t want to risk getting me sick (since I have asthma), nor our young kids.

Ring…. Ring….

“BABA!” my daughter exclaimed. Her eyes lit up as she looked at the screen.

Then, a pair of brown ears and an animal face appeared.

“You’re a monkey?!?!” she giggled. We had never used the animoji setting on Facetime before.

Her laughter was a fresh breath of air; it gave me the boost I needed to get through the longest, most exhausting days.

~ ~ ~

A few weeks ago

Bright sun light poured into the room. But it didn’t wake him. He probably arrived home around 4 or 5 a.m.

I took one glance at him, then ushered my baby and toddler towards the stairs. “Let him sleep. We have to stay far for now. Just in case.”

He was wearing a mask… while sleeping.

When There’s No Room

“Did you eat today?” In Asian culture, asking did you eat yet is another way of asking how are you?

He tossed his dirty scrubs in the hamper. It was part of our decontamination routine. “For once, I actually ate. I had a short moment to run to the caf.”

I grinned. “Remember at our old hospital, how we would get pizza in the caf before I worked a night shift, and before you went home from your day shift?”

“Those were good memories,” he smiled, like it had been a past lifetime, pre-covid era.

I remembered the sounds of plates and chatter, and I envisioned the people buzzing to and from the cafeteria.

Then I remembered walking those long basement hallways and turning a corner. My brows narrowed and my grin faded.

~ ~ ~

Suddenly I was transported back in time, and I felt this heavy weight upon my shoulders. It was a crushing pressure that drained every last ounce of my strength, after all my energy had already been emptied from working so hard to NOT go there. Pushing the stretcher up the hall was the most impossible task, like pushing towards Mount Everest.

It was the task I dreaded the most.

Sinking Sand

are sunny days ahead?

“I threatened to walk out unless they gave me a real mask… it’s a tourniquet stapled to the mask. I barely pulled and the staples tore away.”

“That’s totally unacceptable!” My jaw dropped open, reading the text from my former classmate, the maternity nurse. “Did you get a real mask?!?” Anger filled my throat; I swallowed it to try to calm down.  My breakfast sat on the table untouched.

What is That Sound?

Rays of hope shining through gray skies.

Over a month ago

Thump, thump!  Staccato steps hurried down the hall.

“She is wearing a mask,” my coworker whispered.  Seeing the patient in the hallway, she ducked into our office to distance herself.

In the setting of a pandemic, I thought it’d be normal to see people wearing masks.

But I understood. We were all a little scared.

~ ~ ~

Clink. 

Forks dropped against porcelain plates in the sink, as my husband washed dishes at home.  “What if one of us gets sick? Who will care for our kids?” He worked in the hospital, and they were preparing for the worst.