Fighting Foes Without Armor: 2020 Year in Review

In 2020, the world began the battle against Sars-Cov2 (COVID19) and unexpectedly, we became a frontline family. It’s been such a difficult year, but there were some highlights too. Let’s recap!

My top 3 nursing ‭stories:

3. Release that Dam – good things still happen in a pandemic

2. What is That Sound? – the chaos of coronavirus (and lack of PPE)

1. When There’s No Room – the surface of the iceberg that healthcare workers face

Top 3 characteristics I learned about God:

3. God is just. The death of George Floyd was horrifying, exposing the inequality and continued systemic racism in our country towards the Black community. In addition, racist attacks against Asian Americans during the pandemic also increased. As we wrestle with our imperfect justice system, and continue to “seek justice, defend the oppressed” (Isaiah 1:17), I am reminded that God is the ultimate Judge.

Sinking Sand

are sunny days ahead?

“I threatened to walk out unless they gave me a real mask… it’s a tourniquet stapled to the mask. I barely pulled and the staples tore away.”

“That’s totally unacceptable!” My jaw dropped open, reading the text from my former classmate, the maternity nurse. “Did you get a real mask?!?” Anger filled my throat; I swallowed it to try to calm down.  My breakfast sat on the table untouched.

Bright Reds and Flashing Sirens

A different view of the inner city. Spring 2019.

A whirlwind of colors whizzed outside my desk window. They were the bright reds of fire trucks and the dizzying, flashing sirens of ambulances.

Is it safe to walk to my car? 

Usually I don’t feel anxious about my commute, despite working in the “rough” side of town.  But those emergency vehicles had lingered for quite some time.

Knees to the Earth

My feet paced up and down the hall. My mind a whirlwind.

It’s been 2 hours already.  Is Ba ok? 

~ ~ ~

 July 30, 2005 

“Hurry, let’s go,” the surgical team rushed, preparing the patient to return to the catheterization lab (cath lab)

A woman hovered against the isolation glass, looking on through her dried tears.  She watched in anxiety as the patient was about to be rolled away.  Would she see him again, alive? No one knew.  Her face crumbled, her chest heaved, and hot streams flowed down.  She sobbed fear into her hands.

The heart surgeon led the way.  Her lips sealed tight together; she didn’t say a word.

But I could read it on her face… 

On the Other Side

“we fix human hearts” – at one of the best heart hospitals in the country

Tomorrow, I will walk back in time.

Through those sterile corridors, the memories will flood back.

They will seep through my skin like waves lapping upon the shore.

To Spend Christmas Alone

a giant wooden bear. Harajaku, Tokyo.

It’s not so bad, you just need a plan:

1) Start a few weeks early, mailing out cards and gifts in advance. (Just because you can’t be with your friends and family on Christmas Day doesn’t mean you don’t send your season’s greetings.)

2) Go grocery shopping before Christmas Day, because on the day of, the stores will be closed and you’ll be left hungry. Since you’ll be alone, there ain’t no one to cook for you but yourself. (And if you don’t know how to cook, maybe it’s a good time to start learning..)

On Monday and Tuesday I had to work as usual. It was a cold and rainy evening commute. Without an umbrella, I couldn’t walk to the full service grocery store (aka ‘Whole Paycheck’) so I walked to a nearby store and picked up ham, green beans, and mashed potatoes. Unfortunately they didn’t have real potatoes or fresh green beans so I was obligated to buy boxed potatoes and prewashed green beans. Don’t judge. =P  

3) All the love you would have given to your friends and family- give to your neighbors and those around you instead. 

The reason why I couldn’t spend Christmas with my family is because

In Winter’s Grasp

what winter brings (feb. 2013)

Riiing. Riiing.

Maybe she’s not home. 

“Hello?”

“Hello, may I speak with Mrs. A?”

“Who is this?”

“This is Soapie, a nurse at the clinic…”

“Oh,” he paused. “She died,  a few days ago.”

Fresh Fridays: The Little Things

Cherry Blossoms in April

It is the little things that remind me of God’s goodness and His never ending kindness.  Although the past few weeks have been rough (evident in my last 4 posts that were tagged “death” and “tragedy”), I am forcing myself to stop and recognize the many blessings in my daily life.

I’m thankful for….

From Dusk to Dawn

“You showed us, Boston, that in the face of evil, Americans will lift up what’s good. In the face of cruelty, we will choose compassion. In the face of those who would visit death upon innocents, we will choose to save and to comfort and to heal. We’ll choose friendship. We’ll choose love. Because Scripture teaches us God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.”

-President Obama

It’s been a tough week. Thanks Mr. President for this reminder.

~ ~ ~

a repost from my old blog.  life before the tragedy. 

The cityscape twinkled beyond the windows, as the train slowly crossed the bridge.  It was dusk; the darkness looming and the sky scraper lights illuminating.  Peering out, old memories began to flood my mind. I remembered the hundreds of times which I admired this same scene: the river, the buildings, the lights. Except I wasn’t on the train those times, I was at the bedside, in the hospital.

Sifting Sorrow

A view of the Charles River, Summer 2008

Today was difficult. After seeing a terror attack strike my beloved city, how could you go on and still be the same? 

I tried. Before catching my bus, I quickly nabbed a Globe. (Mainly for my scrapbook, to document for future generations to remember.)

“Marathon terror…”    “Tragedy Halts Marathon…” “Tight Security Will be Rule Today…”  I read the articles along the commute. About the boys who lost their legs. About the 8 year old victim. About the unsung heroes.

But arriving to work, it was back to business. I needed to be there mentally, emotionally, for myself, and for my patients. I picked right up with where my nursing duties had left off prior to the long weekend. During the workday, my heart was heavy, but I couldn’t express it. There just wasn’t time for it.

It was a long day. Dreadfully long. By sunset, as I descended upon my neighborhood, still afresh with police and FBI presence, I was about ready to burst. The insides of my chest, fresh grief wanting to spill out onto the sidewalk.